Folks,
I’m tired of wars. It seems like the only ways for peoples to get serious about somethings is start a wars. And what good have wars brought, I ask youse? Besides economic booms, stabilization of the powers that be’s, and successfully managing both a nation’s enemies and their domestic populations with propagandas and violent use of forces? Yeah, folks, if you’re a bum, war is an easy way to force others to get you out of a fix.
And we don’t even have to go to wars against a countries. We can go to war against a thing… Folks, sick of the war on drugs, the war on wheat glutens, and the war on terrors. Let’s not beat around the bushes anymore folks, if we’re going to fight a wars, how about a wars against the real problem: Assholes.
That’s rigth folks, it was assholes who hijacked the planes on nine-elevens, it’s assholes who sold drugs to our kids, it’s assholes who kill folks indiscriminatelies, and it’s assholes who cut in front of us in lines when we’ve been waiting all week to see Leap Years. It’s assholes who send us email spams. It’s assholes who kick people out of their houses. It’s assholes who sell their influences to the highest bidders. It’s assholes who don’t use turn signals. It’s assholes who walk down the streets with golf umbrellas when there is never room to do so’s. It’s assholes who yell at you for being thirty minutes late for some do-nothing desk jobs. It’s assholes who make you buy things by trying to make you feel bad about yourselves. It’s assholes, folks.
That’s why I proposes a War on Assholes! The wars to end all wars.
Now, assholes don’t wear uniforms, they don’t come from one coutries, there is no asshole accent, no asshole skin color. But, folks, all of us can spot an assholes, because we’ve all been assholes. I know I have. This morning I bumped into somebodies and didn’t utter so much as a peeps. I think I stepped on a woman’s toes last weeks on the trains. She was hearing open toed shoes. I just laughed at her pains. In seventh grade, I picked on some kid just because everyone else did and he had weird pimples. I’ve been an asshole, folks. I’ve pretended to go out for a smokes and walked out on restaurant checks. I’ve yelled at cats.
What other politician is going to go on his cheap wordpress blog and admit that he’s an assholes.
And as Mr. Jesus tells us, lest he is without the sins be the firsts to cast the stones. So, this is not a war of name callings and blame. This a war to simply put aside the asshole way of life.
How is the War on Assholes to be foughts? Not with guns, nunchackus, or nuculear bombs, for the assholes will always win the wars of violences (they’re assholes). The War on Assholes will be fought by folks, like you and me’s, not putting up with the razzmatazzes, the song and dances, the shocks, the awes, the wednesday night primetime programmings of the blusters and the bombasts. This wars will be fought by not donating to the asshole culture and the asshole religions by unnecessary purchasings of their useless craps, trinkets, and telephones.
And most importantlies this war will be fought by voting… for me, folks. If you know of any elections please write my name ins. It would help me achieve my dream of not temping anymores. Please folks, I need the sweet civil servant paychecks, insurances, and pensions.
Sincerelies,
Eddie McOwskeys